stars...

Stars don't fail me now. I'm lost as can be inn the middle of now where of my
Own sobriety
Stars don't let leave me here on my own. Show me the way to where once was my home
Give me back my love
Unspell me from my unfortunate attempts to belong
Take away my tears
Give me hope, give me shelter
Make me believe again
Stars shine on me
Show me the way
I'm tired of all the moons that have failed me
Stars guide me
Find me
Stars...,
Don't fail me now!

Cliff-edge!

At the edge... I ve learned to play it unsafe, bareback, barefoot...i've jumped and crashed before and bounced and jumped and flew and walked on a thread underneath a volcanic mountain.

What am i to lose... and what would happen if!.. for once, things turned right!
Calculations, is like diet to me! something i wouldn't go for, Perfection is so imperfect to me... those plaided chess tables are way too in-place! My dance moves are , a fan to a stack of paper, not a 1 2 3!

and that was until... The day before the day!...
Let me tell you..

Once upon a time. In a far away land, back in time... There was a girl, Ordinary girl. Mind you this is not a fairy tale, yet that girl of my story didn't even believe in one. Instead she was living in one... A world of her own, A world of dreams, a make- belief. 

Because her whole perception about anything is not merely wrong! but rather so vast and so imaginary from how things usually work!

It was all fine, I accepted my own defeat! until that word sprung out of her mouth like a poisonous arrow!
Straight to my dignity passing my heart, and my pride!
She said the bad word, the forbidden word!

She said "NEVER".
She looked me in the eye with a wicked smile, happy about my own losing situation! and said "Oh Girl, you must know that you would NEVER EVER win!"

Was I too week to fight! was I too helpless, too hopeless to prove her wrong!.., me laying powerless on the floor admitting defeat!

I wasn't waiting for a miracle neither I did ask for one! but NEVER. is not in my dictionary
That lethal word! God knows that in my heart of hearts I do not know the meaning of giving up!

Helpless as can be. I leave it all up to destiny!
Wait my friend! just wait! you have challenged a higher power, you have messed with paradox of life!
Wait and see how the odds of the word "NEVER" will work in my favor!.

Remember...

Remember!
Us... and the way we used to laugh endlessly,
All those silly jokes and unreasonable giggles in the middle of the night
Remember!
One... the first time we made love and the way your hands felt across 
my body! 
The rocking of our hearts and shaking of our legs...
The sparkle in your eyes lying right next to me, cheek to cheek,
and how our warm breath melted the night away.
Remember!
Those songs we sang from the top of lungs, the awful sounds we made 
How we didn't care
Remember!
The first time we fought and the how lazy the time went by 
How it was a torture not to speak to each other for few hours
Remember!
your soft kisses and how you used to tell me you love me so much
you're afraid to let me go
Remember! when..
we cried together. I cried, I cried and I cried 
For you not to leave me, not then! not ever.
Remember! when
We had no place to go, and no one to turn to
We had no hope, no money, no ceiling above our heads
It was just you and me, and the whole wide wild wild world
Remember!
Karma! she's a witch...
, and the spell I put on you! 
Remember us!
Our strange weird bond
How slowly we built it up
and how it all went away 
Like scarlet autumn leaves with a wind blow 
Remember me. 
When you look up in the sky, in the winter's night
You know where you'll find me.

Missing!

Missing! A part of her is always incomplete.
She doesn't know what she's looking for.
She quit looking once and for all,
All that she wants is already here.
she said "love is enough!"
she whispered to herself.
but she's afraid! she's always been terrified
she hides and she hides it well.
"Anything for love" she said
Anything!

She often wonders where all this sadness come from?
What triggers it! it's like thunder or earthquake
so uncalled for! something happening in her core of core
and only heaven knows when or why it's going to strike again!