Betrayal Grieve

 I don't know how to let myself feel. 

I'm sad and I'm hurt. I'm really hurting and I don't know how to express it or let it go

I'm trying to sit with this feeling and just let it rain. 

It's not a second nature to me. I'm uncomfortable and impatient. 

I'm irritable, I'm lost in thousands "why me" and "girl, you've felt it since day one" 

going in circles in my mind and no one knows the depth of my despair.

This is not the end. This is me being saved from people who are unpredictable and liars. 

Fake people, Fake friends, Fake promises, Fake representations, Fake Fake Fake Fake

I put my best in this job. Sweat and tears, I melted the very core of me

The best of me and poured it all over my work. and bit more

I was exhausted 

I was tired 

I was promised things that never happened

I was ignored

I was used 

I was mistreated 

I was undermined 

I was sabotaged 

but I still continued on 

Put my best suit on, a smile on my face, I ignited my dying sabotaged passion till it broke my bones.

I woke up everyday and bandaged myself up. covered my wounds, put makeup on and finished it with a smile. 

I knew my hard work will pay off. 

but all I got in the end was me put off the curb

in a midst of a pandemic 

in a midst of 

She betrayed me

Julie betrayed me, 

hurt my feelings

fooled me into believing 

that everything is a ok

from day one

since day one

I should have listened to my instincts 

than believing that she might be a decent person

she must have been right

when she said to me 

that I'm the most trusting person. 

should have known then 

that's it only means that she's the most untrustworthy person 

Even Yesenia 

crying to me about how everyone treated her

coming scared to me that they're recording her and using it against her 

telling me all the secrets that I shouldn't know

that Julie never paid her taxes since 2008 

and never closed her books

and that she cools her books

and how Sasha talks shit about me behind my back. 

and how Julie knows all the toxicity of work and how she's the one orchestrating the drama 

by pretending to be the good cop. 

I'm sick of them

I'm sick of gossip

I only wanted to do my work

I'm sick and tired

I'm deeply and emotionally hurt.

I have done nothing wrong

God, I have exhausted my health to do everything right

to excel at my job.

I was sabotaged 

I was fired. 

and now they tease me

sending me fire 

telling me I'm missing out

God, I don't deserve this

I'm in so much pain that i can not contain

I'm hurting

I'm deeply sad. 

God help me through this. 

You know I've done my best

Please don't let it go to waste