Turn the volume up high. the highest you can get.

turn the volume loud, plant the buds in my ears.

It defenes the inner voices, don't wanna hear it anymore.

Can't hear all those voices in my head.

promise me of spring.

Look at me

not in the mirror.

but in the bricks of these walls.

In the sun light through the tree leaves

spreading lighting up the room

in the scent of earth after it had rained

when the rainbow beames out.

thats when you'll see the colors of my soul.



Find me, not in the places i would be

but in nailed wood of that bench next to the river

in my clutter, my chaotic room

between my books

in every title

in my music library

those moody blues, sexy jazz

angry rock and soft lullabies



Talk to me

not over the phone

talk to my soul

whisper softly to my heart

you shall use a pulse of yours

a prayer to the sky

a memory of me somewhere in your head.

i'll hear you loud and clear.



Love me.

dont leave me.

love me like the moon loves the night

dont leave me like stars always shin they never leave the sky

love me like sea loves the sand

dont leave me like all the fish in the water, live in me.



Promise.

promise me nothing will change

Promise me of a better day

Promise me through good and bad

Promise me forever. and be there untill then

just like the night promise of the day

like the tears promise of a smile

like the clouds promise of a sunshine

like winter promise of spring.



Look at me, dont trun your eyes away from me

find me, somewhere in the woods of your heart

talk to me, tell me anything, everything and nothing

love me, love me..love me.. love me

dont leave me

promise! promise me of spring.

The magic of the other half.

Differences! among people i like to meet, differentness perspective is what i seek.

Aren't we all the same in the end?!

Isn't sharing one of the best things in life?, when you let go of your selfishness, when there's someone, or some people who they can depend on you and you can depend on.

I would like to be invited to someone's world, with all its good's and bad's with everything we have in common, but i would appreciate a little more what we don't have in common.

try and see things from someone else's perspective.

maybe try a new recipe

New taste in songs

New favorite color

just hear what the other thinks and feels towards simple thins in life.

when you share the past, with it's hurts and joy. misery and pain! when you discover that we're not alone in the world, and whatever we're facing someone out there is facing worse.

how someone would see you and admire you, while you think you're a failure, and vice versa!

we're like puzzle shapes, we are all different from each other but we need one another other to make a big meaningful picture, we're not fully-full or all the way empty. we complete each other in a way or the another.

coming together!

"at times coming together could be hard and takes time".

I heard this line over some kind of repeatable misunderstanding between some collages of mine at work. two people who were different from each other, you can say, in every possible way you can imagine, that's expected! but the ironic part is that it also happened with people who were very compatible and share a lot with each other but to be put in a place, there were times when they clashed!

But the beauty of it, is the outcome. for one you though could never be your friend would be the one to stand by you, for the most reckless and stupid will teach you how smart decisions they take in life than the ones you would take.

WE're masterpieces, we're created that way, we're all beautiful. we're all ugly, we're all angles, we're all devils, but with relative degree.

A part of you will always be in people you see. people who are different than you, or people who live with you in the same house.

Enjoy the magic of the other half

Don't judge a book by its cover, people are not books

First impression is sometimes right but the journey of getting to know someone is worthwhile.

You never know what you can learn.

Creep by The Pretenders

I certainly don't belong anywhere!!

Sad , so sad

I wish i was special

The day that never comes.

Tomorrow. the busiest day of the week!

Tomorrow,

I'll start dieting right

I'll ride my bike

Take a walk to the park

Have a chance to shoot some pics

Maybe, yes I'll pass by the gym

Memorize the lyrics of the song i ve been delaying for months

I'll clean my room, Yes i need to unpack my bags

I'll paint my walls, umm lets just start with making a cool design

Tomorrow,

I'll call my dad

I'll visit my uncles

I'll email my cousins

I'll post some notes to my friends

I'll text my colleagues at work

I'll bake a cake for the neighbors

I'll wash the dishes for my mom

I'll read a book for my brothers

Tomorrow,

I'll read the book that i didn't finish

I'll look for my CD's and put them all together

I'll draw a picture

I'll go buy some paint and papers from the craft store

I'll go to a museum

I'll watch a documentary

I'll read the news

Tomorrow,

I'll wake up early

I'll sleep early too

I'll arrive exactly on time

I'll say what's in my head the way it is

I'll be more loving

I'll remember all my promises

I'll make my dreams come true

Tomorrow,

I'll give free hugs

I'll be kind to the kids

I'll buy me a new cup for coffee

I'll get my special coffee from the store

I'll clean my purse

I'll discover a new place

I'll jump like i haven't before

I'll tell a joke

Tomorrow

I'll meditate

I'll start voting

I'll do my Yoga

I'll participate in charity deeds

I'll donate to the ones in need

I'll stop wasting

I'll buy less

I'll count my blessings

I'll be more thankful

Tomorrow,

I'll learn the piano

I'll go to the library

I'll cook for myself

I'll celebrate my life

I'll socialize even more

I'll break a habit

I'll go to Disney land

I'll practice my Spanish

I'll remember my Germain

and yeah I'll learn French

Tomorrow,

I'll look for a new job

I'll buy me a pet, maybe a fish

I'll go to do my prayers

I'll fix my watch

I'll take the test i need to take

I'll start saving money

I'll eat at home

Tomorrow,

I'll call someone i love and ask about them

I'll do something i didn't in years

I'll wash my cloths

I'll paint my nails

I'll wear my new P.J

I'll look out of my window

I'll take a moment and think

I'll plan a head

Tomorrow,

I'll find cure for cancer

I'll invent the time machine

I'll have my honeymoon in space

I'll help the poor

I'll save the world

I'll walk on the moon

I'll dance on water

I'll do all that

But just, Tomorrow.

Off The Limit - High Above The Sky.

They say, Sky is the limit.

It symbolizes unlimitedness /infinity and I have always considered this quote very limited. Always believe there's always far and beyond, beyond what our eyes see or what our hands touch.

Came to think of it, to put a limit even if it was the hyper sky is like putting me in a bigger box with farther roof on top of me.

But then again, man's power is limited, still we can not do the things we want to do, unless we create something to help us reach that goal or fulfill that dream.

Along times man developed his thoughts/dreams about what surrounds him back when reaching the moon was an metaphoric phrase of reaching/doing the impossible, after sometime that this thought was developed to actually land on the moon yet that thought alone was crazy back in time where the earth was considered flat!

But man created shuttles, spaceships. they landed on the moon and even mars.

They say, if you can imagine it, then you can do it.

Like flying, man has always and still obsessed with flying, even though that is achieved in a another way of flying. but once what was a crazy dream - thought- idea, now an airplane.

i believe that nothing is impossible, if you can think of it, there has to be a certain way to achieve it. maybe not exactly as you imagined to be, just some drafts and adjustments, knowledge, trials and failure, enthusiasm and a belief. Anything can be!

The power is in the mind. we have the power.

and it has no limits.

Intentions - Let there be light.

- And the sand whispered to the crashing wave: Pebbles on the shore has more value to me than diamonds, rubies and emeralds. Those invisible traces of foot prints engraves the ego of my immortality.

-A wrap, a twisted old yellow paper or a wrinkled napkin holds more memories and carry stronger and lingering perfume than a gift or bottle of perfume does.

-Only pieces that had fallen apart, reminds you of the greatness of the whole. what it had been or what it could have been.

-A shadow of a smile, Auroral red beam at sunset. A fading stroke of paint. A crack of light on the horizon early at dawn. multiple stages of time, of what was and what will be and the in between.

-Echos that linger back and forth from the caller’s alley of no return.

-The hands that poured me a cup of water quench my thrust than water itself.

-One pure intention weights more than thousands habital deeds.

-Let Your heart be a shore and your soul a harbor. and your head be a captain that knows when to sail and when to pull or drop the anchor. Sail away but don’t set a drift.

-Just know that, in the end, no one is an island.

-It’s only when you open windows and doors of your soul. wind blows the ashes and dust above your rusty ribs and frayed bones. let there be a tear in your sky for, light to shine through the darkness.

-let there be light, let there be truth, hope, love and peace.

-Live and let live.

The Nearness Of You...

Singing you this song was epic
and the feeling hasn't changed a bit,
...
Last time i saw you, a pale moon was shining in the sky
we shared a laugh, and inside i shed a tear
i was so happy and so sad, and all in between
my soul was flying high and i couldn't feel the time
i wished so much that you take me in your arms and lock me inside you
i didn't and i couldn't see anything or anyone but your eyes.

Nothing else would delight me, not even our conversation because then
time stood still.. not the moon, nor the stars. that made me feel that way i always feel
when I'm near you.

the nearness of you.

RaShRadio - Ghosts

Grief

Time.
such a valuable thing.
they say time is money
they say clock is ticking
they say there's a time for everything.

and there was a time when i laughed from my heart
there was a time when i knew i could reach the stars
yes, there was time i could roll with waves and walk on water
there was a time when they world couldn't fit me
there was time when i lived only for today
there was a time when my heart pounded like million drums
there was a time when i was so cool, a time when i played a fool
time when i wandered and wondered
time when my dreams came true
time when i got all i wanted and even more
they say there's a time to win
and a time to lose
times to surrender to fate and times to choose

there are times when i did what should be done.
there was a time when i knew exactly what i wanted
there was a time when i saw everything beautiful
there was a time when i believed and loved everyone

Time, once it slip away.. you cant get it back
there was a time good things come even to those who don't believe
there was a time when i was mended
there was a time when i was what i wanted to be

there was times and times and times
ups..
now is the down
i smiled so widely now its time to frown
times when i was so high
now its time to fall from the sky
there was a time when i felt with all my heart
now its time for the numbness to crawl all over my body
there was time when i was healing
time when i was wanted, desired accepted and loved
now its time to be abandoned, alone and pushed aside


time.
its night,now. sun is not on my side
its cloudy here in my head
its jaded , complicated , its in underground

Time...
they say, Kill it, before it kills you.
Time...
it goes slowly for those who wait
no time to hesitate..
Time...
its what it is, come what may

Time.
do you have some?
or did i just stole some from you reading my time scheme
Time.
It's my time for me to let you leave
im closing the door
shutting all windows
pulling all covers

its my private time to grief.

Koop Island Blues - Koop

Across The Universe

you whats the hardest?... waking up and going to sleep.

these two times of the day i can't bare the most. i wake up usually from a dream and usually i see him there and i wake up for a second trying to identify where i am, in Egypt or in California, in the past or in the future, but WAIT, thats not the hardest part yet the hardest part is the thought of him, weather im in California or Egypt, in my bed or my friends' im home or at a relative' somewhere, heavy emotions haunt me, posses me and take all over me. something i cant deny clutches inside the womb of my soul and give a long and difficult birth to thoughts of him and longing... some tears, some energy i can't even describe it or put a word to it, suffocating, drowning and in shock as if he was just lying next to me and i realized it was a dream.
struggle of bed, sometimes when the emotion is too much to handle i run out of bed, do anything just anything and get this melancholic aurora away from me.. i make it through the day and things wine down.

you know it has been three days here since this cruel plane flew me to where I'm, i didn't get out of the house not even stepped outside, everything and everywhere has a memory of him, even my simplest activity going from room to room releases the emotions and thoughts i had back then when i was in this place and we were together, even though he was all the way on the other part of the globe, we have memories in the whole town, in my back yard and in my uncles house, in the park, at work, in the mall, every street had a memory of me and him, and i dont think i can face it then, its like i flew all the way to another room, or as if im in a space ship but now im in it alone. i didn't want to come back. and its hard to erase all those memories and all those moments we had everywhere.

i feel like im walking in someone's dream, or it's like i'm living in a strange nightmere you know when you imagine your worst fear, so it comes to life. im living that life!

and going to sleep, going to sleep seem to me like my salvation even though i have hard times falling asleep, my thoughts with images and words tumble me and spins me around until i get dizzy and again i cant scape the thought of him or the thought of holding the phone and calling him up. many times i dialed the number and hung up before it connects and cries myself to sleep.
some nights i feel him around, i keep thinking about out happiest moments and call out for the two of us, the one we were, i feel like my hurt is gone and i relive the moment, imagining he's holding me tight and running his fingers through my hair, i curl up around the pillow and imagine as if it was him and weep silently asking him not to leave me again. and i sleep with a rolling tear and a faint smile on my lips.

this is the state im in, well not California of course even though this is where I'm right now...a very very version state of not only mind, but heart and soul.
but this is not the song am going to leave you with..
i'll leave with the most song that interpret my life. all long. lyrics, music and this Video TOO.

VIOLA!!!

Tangeled up in blue!

clogged, tangeled... going through endless hopps, running till the end of time, running the busy streets, up and down the stairs... running out of time or running out of breath.
no matter what you are running to or running from , running for or running out of. just RUN like hell!

yeah long intoduction im running in my head right now, thoughts are racing me and im racing time and reason (as always) i barely make sense to me at the moment.

you know when things just get tangeled and you go from a place to nother and the job is not done? its like something is getting in the way. and you try and try and try you just want to get the job done.
okay time to relax now folx!
nothing is more soothing now than sitting here and rewinding listening to the nice voice of Bob Dylan running in my head "Tangeled Up in Bluuuuuuuuuuuu" .

note...

if my life were a movie... it would be a musical.

i wake up with songs in my head, for every situations there's some tune, a symphony. I'm an instrument of life singing for luaghter and singing for the tears!...singing my life a way.

the gypsy in my soul...

is it fear or is it intuition? my ever revolving question!
its when i opened my old old note, back in the day when i was a sweet teenager! it took me by surprise when i found the same question written in one of my thoughts... i found many clues to today.
Do we predict our own future or is it premonition, they say you create your own fear! you become what you are afraid of, but what about senses, that hunch that tells you something and creeps you.

what about dreams that come true? i heard once from a psychiatrist that dreams that come true is some kind of intelligence, some people can predict the future based on some information and calculations they make nothing more nothing less!...

i find that strange to hear not that I'm denying my brain power but about the things that you have no shred idea about, something like a call a soft voice that whispers or a vision.
a hacking vision that invades your sight and you can see whats going to happen.
a glimpse...

my life, i cant judge any experience but my own and when it comes to me i can say that...
my life has always been a big chain of deja vu's .
some say am lucky, some say i bring it all around me like a magnet. i say its the gypsy in me.

yet i still wonder, fear? or fiction?!

Riding the wave...

A wave of emotions keeps crashing on me... once im the wave i keep rolling endlessly once up and once down..
wake up with a wave of love and longing, hours later with rage and dispise fllowed by some strange energy to break free from walls and curtains any material that blocks my free spirit.
gazing at the sun before it sets am i gazing at it or is it gazing at me? i always wonder
stars are eyes in the sky but they dont scare me, i always look forward looking in their eyes too, its like love, you can swin deep inside your lover soul by just looking into their eyes, they say that stars are human souls soaring up high, trapped and keeping us companied..isnt sun a big star? a closer star i wounder whos soul is it that is gazing at me while am gazing at it?

am still riding the wave of my crazy emotions. it ends up with boredom, blame.. sometimes i blame myself, others i find theres no room to blame me or anyone. keep thinking about other things. i remember some accidents or situations and suddenly .. I GET IT .. i laugh because its already too late but who cares they say too late is better than nothing!

some people dont have sense of humour, some do... but some dont understand the other types of laughter, a laugh is not always funny.. just like comedy, its not always comic, theres something called "black comedy".. like magic, theres something called "black magic" some people dont get that too.. they only get either the word "magic" or "comic" abd forget the word "black".. it changes everything.

thats when im on my own, i think im crazy sometimes, no , most of the times, those waves of emotions cant set me free, im trapped in a phase to the opposing other in a split of a second, from love to hate, from forgivness to revenge.

i wish i can find a way to ride contgrol the tides... at least understand whats behind it.