Across The Universe

you whats the hardest?... waking up and going to sleep.

these two times of the day i can't bare the most. i wake up usually from a dream and usually i see him there and i wake up for a second trying to identify where i am, in Egypt or in California, in the past or in the future, but WAIT, thats not the hardest part yet the hardest part is the thought of him, weather im in California or Egypt, in my bed or my friends' im home or at a relative' somewhere, heavy emotions haunt me, posses me and take all over me. something i cant deny clutches inside the womb of my soul and give a long and difficult birth to thoughts of him and longing... some tears, some energy i can't even describe it or put a word to it, suffocating, drowning and in shock as if he was just lying next to me and i realized it was a dream.
struggle of bed, sometimes when the emotion is too much to handle i run out of bed, do anything just anything and get this melancholic aurora away from me.. i make it through the day and things wine down.

you know it has been three days here since this cruel plane flew me to where I'm, i didn't get out of the house not even stepped outside, everything and everywhere has a memory of him, even my simplest activity going from room to room releases the emotions and thoughts i had back then when i was in this place and we were together, even though he was all the way on the other part of the globe, we have memories in the whole town, in my back yard and in my uncles house, in the park, at work, in the mall, every street had a memory of me and him, and i dont think i can face it then, its like i flew all the way to another room, or as if im in a space ship but now im in it alone. i didn't want to come back. and its hard to erase all those memories and all those moments we had everywhere.

i feel like im walking in someone's dream, or it's like i'm living in a strange nightmere you know when you imagine your worst fear, so it comes to life. im living that life!

and going to sleep, going to sleep seem to me like my salvation even though i have hard times falling asleep, my thoughts with images and words tumble me and spins me around until i get dizzy and again i cant scape the thought of him or the thought of holding the phone and calling him up. many times i dialed the number and hung up before it connects and cries myself to sleep.
some nights i feel him around, i keep thinking about out happiest moments and call out for the two of us, the one we were, i feel like my hurt is gone and i relive the moment, imagining he's holding me tight and running his fingers through my hair, i curl up around the pillow and imagine as if it was him and weep silently asking him not to leave me again. and i sleep with a rolling tear and a faint smile on my lips.

this is the state im in, well not California of course even though this is where I'm right now...a very very version state of not only mind, but heart and soul.
but this is not the song am going to leave you with..
i'll leave with the most song that interpret my life. all long. lyrics, music and this Video TOO.

VIOLA!!!